#4 T-Pain

When a young man goes away to college, society expects him to return changed. New clothes, new ideas, new interests, even a new-found sexuality. Johnny Buccola returned from his freshman year at Santa Clara wearing the same clothes, bearing the same ideas, maintaining the same interests, and still claiming to like girls. However, one thing had changed: Jonathan Isaac Buccola came back from college and he liked T-Pain.

T-Pain, real name Faheem Rasheed Najm, also known as T, Tally Pain, Tallahassee Pain, The Tallahassee Hero, Teddy Pain, Teddy Penderazoun, Teddy Penderass, Teddy Verseti, and Mr. Dountoun, is an unreasonably popular R&B singer (if you can call him that) from the mean streets of Tallahassee. He gained fame for his abilities as a songwriter and his devotion to the voice manipulation program Auto-Tune, which allows you to sing even if you have no fucking talent, provided that you don't mind sounding like a robot.

As T-Pain is dedicated to the Auto-Tune, so is Johnny dedicated to T-Pain. When he first introduced his friends to T-Pain, the "rappa ternt sanga" only had one song on the radio and was not the omnipresent musical force he is today. Johnny, enamored with the young sanga, was ahead of his time. His friends scoffed at the cheesy, robotic musings of the Nappy Boy, including corny songs such as "Ridge Road" and "I'm Hi (feat. Styles P)". These particular jams, it is important to note, are the 16th and 17th tracks on his debut album, respectively. This clearly indicates a vast familiarity with T-Pain's catalogue. Few have survived through the entirety of "Rappa Ternt Sanga" or its successor "Epiphany," but Johnny Buccola has accomplished each staggering feat numerous times, discovering the deep cuts on both albums. When Johnny Buccola first played T-Pain for his friends, they hated T-Pain. Johnny kept playing T-Pain. Then they found T-Pain mediocre. Johnny kept playing T-Pain. They admitted they kinda liked T-Pain. Johnny kept playing T-Pain... they all loved T-Pain.

Johnny Buccola's adoration of T-Pain stayed steadfast through the seemingly insurmountable waves of criticism from his peers, showing a moral commitment to "sticking to his guns." Johnny recognizes that T-Pain has mastered the difficult skill of being both a musical genius and a talentless waste of sound waves - he is truly an idiot savant. Time and time again, Johnny has brought something simultaneously awful and awesome to the table, including, but not limited to: T-Pain, cheesy dogs, MD 20/20, Alien Versus Predator, tuxedo shirts, orienteering, ass funneling, girls with lower back tattoos, monster truck rallies, and Jesus. We challenge you to go out into the world and experience something awful every day, because as Johnny has shown us... it might just turn out to be awesome.

For more on T-Pain:

Time Machine
Yo Stomach
I Got It
Show U How