#5 This

Johnny Buccola likes this.

Log on to the popular social networking site Facebook.com and you will surely notice that Johnny is blazing a trail at the forefront of a hot new trend in egotistical buffoonery: he 'likes' everything he does. Fairly recently, Facebook introduced a groundbreaking feature in which users could 'like' any posting on the site, allowing users to show their support for the photographs and postings of their friends. Johnny perverts this cordial gesture of digital encouragement into a means of tooting his own horn. The 'status update' already functions on a basic and vainglorious assumption that everyone gives a fuck about what you are thinking or doing at all times. Johnny's 'self-liking' strategy ratchets up the pomposity of this already self-promotional act, informing other users that he's really into himself and he isn't afraid to shout it out from the mountaintops.


This revolutionary use of the 'like' button has sparked a raging debate among a broad spectrum of Facebook users. Some Facebookworms, baffled by the absurdity of the practice of 'self-liking', have lashed out at Mr. Buccola, heaping opprobrium upon the young innovator. A supposed Facebook "friend" of Johnny's, Max Altshuld, who is an idiot, exemplifies the position of the philistines: "you liked your own comment weirdo." Spearheading the opposition party in this veritable cultural clash is Matt Pavlik who, unlike Altshuld, knows what's good. Pavlik, a longtime schoolmate and crony of Mr. Buccola's, recognizes that inanity and confidence are at the core of Johnny's character in his assertion that, "Johnny's known for liking himself." Fight on, Matt Pavlik, fight on.


But yes, dear readers, what is Johnny's soul composed of if not inanity, absurdity, self absorption, gun-sticking-to, actual guns and Jesus? Why can't a man like himself? Why must we hide our pride? Every day, Johnny teaches us how to believe in ourselves and be proud of who we are. As Johnny will tell you, others will have a hard time liking you until you can grow to truly like yourself, both literally and figuratively.