#2 Fairwood, WA

Fairwood is far from fucking everywhere. Johnny Buccola grew up in this quaint little piece of unincorporated King County, Washington that is almost part of Renton. It may be useful to note that Fairwood is a developed housing community organized around a golf course, with a richly diverse population that is almost entirely white.

The safe and secure boundaries of Fairwood sheltered Johnny from the corrupting influence of the outside world, namely liberals and minorities. In this cocoon of a community, Johnny studied hard at school and at church, growing into a healthy and well-adjusted young lad.

As the years went by, his venerable parents realized that their boy needed to go out into the world to search for meaning, much as the young Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha) needed to leave his life of opulence to find enlightenment. Johnny found himself attending a snooty private school nearly an hour away, infested with liberals and plagued by minorities. Conservative estimates put the school's white population at an appallingly low 70%. Teased mercilessly by his classmates for his allegedly rustic and backward upbringing, he became a man of two worlds, able to effortlessly blend in with high-society liberals and yet stay true to his down-home Fairwood ways.

Though his classmates continued to be wary of Fairwood, Johnny played the part of ambassador, bringing legions of friends down to stay at his home for cross-cultural experiences. He lured these young and impressionable Seattleites down with the promise of a safe space where they could experiment with drugs, sex, and alcohol - for the parenting culture of Fairwood decrees that children can do whatever the fuck they want to in a consequence-free environment. Even girls can sleep over!

Fairwood, Washington. Overlooked by some, scorned by many, it turned out to be the perfect place for a young whippersnapper like Johnny Buccola to blossom. The distance, though daunting at first, proved to be a blessing in disguise. Fairwood became to Johnny and his friends both a safe haven and a veritable Vegas of Renton, Washington. A place where youth were forced to go big or go all the fucking way back home. As innumerable scholars, politicians, and patriarchs have proclaimed, "What happens in Fairwood stays in Fairwood."